Into Somaliland: An Obscure Route to an Obscure Country

The Other IGAD JOINT COMMUNIQUÉ

By Mohamad Doaleh

On August 5th, 2004 the IGAD member states meeting in Nairobi, Kenya issued a communiqué regarding the end of the conference for the Southern Somali warring factions. This is my version of it from a Somalilander’s perspective.

1. The 9th IGAD Ministerial Facilitation Committee Meeting on the Southern Somali Farcical Theatrical Production (SOFTEP) was held on Wednesday 4th and Thursday 5th August, 2004, at KCCT Mbagathi, Nairobi, Kenya.

2. The meeting was attended by all those who benefited from the show’s revenue estimated at more than $300 Million.

3. The following members of the IGAD Partners Forum were present: Warlords, War Criminals, Wannabe politicians, schemers, charlatans and many other shady characters.

4. The Ministers: -

Welcomed the lack of progress achieved so far at the Southern Somali Farcical Theatrical Production (SOFTEP and acknowledged that the conference is at a farcical stage lacking any agreement on the formation of a transitional federal government.
Applauded the Somali National Arbitration Committee for their tireless efforts on hording the Parliamentary seats for the warlords who truly run the show and urged them to deal with the outstanding issues regarding the selection process.

Congratulated the sub sub clans that have submitted their will and rights to the warlords and urged the remaining clans to embrace the same spirit of stupidity and sacrifice.

Mandated the IGAD Facilitation Committee to continue receiving the remaining lists from the respective sub sub clans on their behalf within the next two days to ensure that the warlord’s reign supreme in Mogadishu.

Acknowledged, with appreciation the readiness of the African Union to deploy, at an appropriate time, a Military Observer Mission to enforce the IGAD member countries separate but conflicting agendas in Southern Somalia.

Urged all Southern Somali warlords to appreciate that insecurity is a prerequisite to any form of looting and Ponzo schemes and called upon them to cooperate with the African Union and the rest of the International Community towards this end.

Thanked H.E Ismail Omar Guelleh, President of the Republic of Djibouti, for cooperating with the IGAD Ministerial Facilitation Committee and the Somali Business Community in return for the millions he received to be part in this fiasco.

Applauded and endorsed the decision made by the Somali Business Community during the Djibouti meeting to loot, abuse and fight over the economic reconstruction of the De-Stabilized Southern Somalia.

Welcomed and endorsed in principle the international Community's elaborate draft support plans for the post-conference period especially in the areas of De-Stabilization, Rapid Destruction Program (RDP) and the De-construction and Monitoring Program (RDP).

Thanked the IGAD member states, Partners, and the International Community for their financial support in this Southern Somali Farcical Theatrical Production and appealed to them to continue supporting the process until its successful completion.

Thanked the Government of the Republic of Kenya for according them cordial reception, warm hospitality and for successfully hosting the 9th IGAD Southern Somali Farcical Theatrical Production (SOFTEP) and reaping Millions in the process.

The Ministers agreed to meet again in Nairobi on 19th August 2004 for auditioning the selected members of the show before its subsequent opening in Mogadishu.

PS: Words in Bold Italics are mine.

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